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rainer maria's "put me to sleep"
i've thought about windows before,
but this one's too high.
filtered light, trees outside.
is this the end?
fifteen, and bleeding,
and leaving myself behind.
i have to believe
that things would be different
if someone had told me
what i'm telling you now.
if someone had warned me.
is this the end of everything?
fifteen minutes later,
and oh, how i've changed.
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i get myself into such huge messes. i have a knack for it. sometimes i think i'd be better off not trying, but i just can't help myself. |
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fyi
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Aug. 20th, 2004 @ 11:36 pm
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when people i care about are having problems, i wish they would talk to me about it. i'm no good as guessing games, but you can bet i'll listen. |
i've been listening to certain songs over and over again the last few days.
there is my staple of the last 10 years--heavens to betsy's complicated.
there is my LA staple--left and leaving by the weakerthans
and for this particular situation, the words from long hind leg's "numb" ring true.
i can't upload anything right now since my computer is messed up, so you'll just have to go find them yourselves.
i'm going to buy a tape recorder today so i can transcribe my thoughts that i have in my car during my commute. it should help me write more.
i'm going to go back and work more on my #1 story and i've started #2. |
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you just fit. like puzzle pieces, you just fit. |
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no time at all. back to working 60 hour work weeks for the next 6 weeks. at least one is almost done. have to be up again in just a few hours. writing will have to wait... |
| » saturday |
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went for crepes this afternoon to celebrate k's birthday. tonight, i'm going to an opening at raid projects. afterwards, may check out a party. no writing is getting done this weekend, but whatever.
Jun. 5th, 2004 @ 06:35 pm
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| » tonight i will be... |
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going to c-level. workmen are repairing the chimney so it's been hard to get anything productive done today.
Jun. 4th, 2004 @ 04:21 pm
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| » productivity |
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i should be writing tonight, but i didn't get much sleep last night and i'm getting ready to go meet someone for gelato. i suppose i could write some when i get home. we'll see what happens. i'm feeling the need to make the rough draft things "friends only" posts because they are in no way finished and really shouldn't be out there on the internet for everyone to read. i've added the people i know are interested in reading this particular journal. if you're listed on my other one and want to be added to this, please email me at maxrubeo@yahoo.com or just leave a comment.
i'm really excited for the decemberists show coming up. i wish i had their music with me, but it's with my stuff in portland. soon, soon...meredith, i can't wait to see you.
i'm going to go swimming in the ocean soon. it will be my first time. i've always had an obsession with sharks, hence the tattoo, but i'm terribly afraid of them and that's what's kept me out of the ocean thus far. it's stupid because i've swam in dirty lakes with poisonous snakes.
tomorrow is friday. i've been much too lazy about trying to find work these next couple of weeks, especially after i found out i'll have work next month. unemployment is no fun when all your friends work during the day. i've got to find things to do alone. when my unemployment comes, i may go buy a new guitar. i'm going crazy without one. maybe i'll spend the money getting a new tattoo. i really want to get the typewriter one. it's time. i haven't gotten a new tattoo in years. that's good though, because the ones i have, i like, and taking time to think it over is a must.
Jun. 3rd, 2004 @ 09:55 pm
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| » home |
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i just unlocked the door to the third home i've lived in in a month. i had lived in my first house in los angeles for a year and a half. i'd prided myself for staying put as long as i did, as i tend to move around constantly.
i suppose i got used to moving because in college, we'd have to pack up our belongings every semester because they'd rent out our rooms to skiers over the winter or high school students and mfa writing students would use them in the summers.
i lived in four places during my three years in portland--two apartments and two houses. the last two were shared with my boyfriend.
i lived in two apartments in boston. the first was just three months. i had a roommate there in jamaica plain. i later moved downtown and into a studio. it had a hotplate and a dorm fridge. it wasn't much but i liked it.
in los angeles, i shared a home with three boys. it was a duplex; the center wall had been knocked down so that each side of the house mirrored the other. we only used one kitchen.
i moved back to portland and into an apartment, only to return to los angeles two weeks later. i slept on the couch at a friend's home, only to move into one of his roommate's bedrooms while she had gone to philadelphia for two weeks. in one week, i'll convert the dining room into my bedroom. i'll hang up curtains and perhaps arrange a bookcase so that it blocks one of the entrances to my room. not much in the way of privacy, but it's home...for now.
Jun. 2nd, 2004 @ 10:05 pm
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| » prom |
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i'm just leaving this as a marker. inspired by this american life this weekend, i'm going to write some stories about both of my proms...
Jun. 1st, 2004 @ 12:14 am
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